A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to

place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head,

promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. F inally, in the corner of the room, his

flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot

confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed.. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

Sheriff Joe Arpaio (in Arizona) who created the tent city
jail has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for
them.

He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took
away their weights. Cut off all but "G" movies.

He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on
county and city projects. Then he started chain gangs for women so he
wouldn't get sued for discrimination.

He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal
court order that required cable TV for jails. So he hooked up the
cable TV again only let in the Disney channel and the weather channel.

When asked why the weather channel he replied, so they will
know how hot it's gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs.

He cut off coffee since it has zero nutritional value.
When the inmates complained, he told them, "This isn't the Ritz/Carlton. If
you don't like it, don't come back."

He bought Newt Gingrich' lecture series on videotape that he
pipes into the jails.

When asked by a reporter if he had any lecture series by a
Democrat, he replied that a democratic lecture series might explain
why a lot of the inmates were in his jails in the first place.

More on the Arizona Sheriff:

With temperatures being even hotter than usual in Phoenix
(116 degrees just set a new record), the Associated Press reports:

About 2,000 inmates living in a barbed-wire surrounded tent
encampment at the Maricopa County Jail have been given permission to strip down
to their government-issued pink boxer shorts.

On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either
curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138
degrees inside the week before.

Many were also swathed in wet, pink towels as sweat collected
on their chests and dripped down to their pink socks.

"It feels like we are in a furnace," said James Zanzot, an
inmate who has lived in the tents for 1 1/2 years. "It's inhumane."

Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city
and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna
sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic.

He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates:

"It's 120 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in
tents too, and they have to wear full battle gear, but they didn't commit
any crimes, so shut your damned mouths!"