From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 800? What does it mean to give MORE than 800?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 800?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 800.

How about achieving 103%? What makes up 800 in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 800

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that

While Hard work and knowledge will get you close, and, Attitude will get you there, Bullshit and Ass kissing will put you over the top.

Before the 2001 inauguration of George W. Bush, he was invited to a "get acquainted tour" of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. When he entered Clinton's private toilet, he was astonished to see that President Clinton had a solid gold urinal. That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he said, "when I am president, I too could have a gold urinal, too. But I wouldn't do something that indulgent." Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been at his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal. That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled, and said to Bill, "I found out who peed in your saxophone

One day, Jimmy is walking home from school. When he gets home, he finds
his grandpa sitting on the Porch without any pants on!

So he goes up to his grandpa and says "Grandpa, do you realize that
you're not wearing any pants?" His grandpa replies "Yes Jimmy, I do."

Jimmy then says "Well, why are you outside without any pants on
Grandpa?"

His grandpa looks at Jimmy and responds "Well Jimmy, yesterday I sat
outside without a shirt to long, and I got a stiff neck. This was your
grandma's idea."

* No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

* When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.

* If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

* Never ask your 3-year-old brother to hold a tomato.

* You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

* Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.

* Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

* Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.

* Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.

* School lunches stick to the wall.

* You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

* Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. No matter how cute the underwear is.

A woman wants the inside of her house painted and she calls a
contractor in to help her. They wander around the house, and she points out the
colors she wants. She says, "Now, in the living room, I'd like to have a neutral
beige, very soft and warm."

The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then
he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!"

The woman is most perplexed but she lets it slide. They wander into the
next room. She says, "In the dining room I'd like a light white, not stark,
but very bright and airy."

The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then
he goes to the window, leans out, and yells "Green side up"! The woman is
even more perplexed but still lets it slide.

They wander further into the next room. She says, "In the bedroom, I'd
like blue. Restful, peaceful, cool blue."

The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then
once more he goes to the window, leans out and yells "Green side up"!

This is too much. The woman has to ask. So she says, "Every time I tell
you a color, you write it down, but then you yell out the window 'Green
side up.' What on earth does that mean?"

The contractor shakes his head and says, "I have four blondes laying
sod across the street."

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.